Things that go Wump in the Night..

“Prefer not to say”.

If you answer “Prefer not to say” to any of the profile questions, then we’ll assume the worst. That’s just the way it is.

Here is how we translate:

Smoke? Prefer not to say = “Like a chimney”
Do you Drink? Prefer not to say = “Yes, and I’m bloody plastered right now!”
Drugs? Prefer not to say = “Why is Mr Potato head walking through my bedroom?”
Body Type? Prefer not to say = “.. but I’m a really nice person”
Height? Prefer not to say = “I’m a women who is taller than you and I’m stick of you having a problem with that”
Profession? Prefer not to say = “Currently between positions, but some very promising possibilities”
Have Kids? Prefer not to say = “Yes. 12 of them from 4 previous marriages”
Want kids? Prefer not to say = “Hell no, but I”m a guy, and I don’t want to rule out all these women who still want kids”
Marital Status? Prefer not to say = “Married, but I suck at it”

Cropped photos of you obviously with another person..
.. especially if you are in a wedding dress. It just gives off the wrong vibe. Sure, you love the way you look in that photo, and so do we, but we just wonder who it is - and we’ll probably ask if we get the chance.

Photos of you holding your 4 minute old newborn.
Seriously! What are you thinking? The experience of birthing a child is a miracle that can never be forgotten, and yes, you are glowing in that photo, and yes, the little one represents all that is pure and honest in the world - but your kid has a little bit of what looks like turd on their face, and you look like a wreck with strain lines on your face as you wait for the Percocet to kick in.

Head and shoulders only shots and funky angles.
What are you trying to hide? Is it really that bad?

Halloween pictures.
Ladies - these are a MUST because the chances are whatever you plumped for at halloween you dressed up as the slutty version. This is a golden opportunity to let us know what you look like when wearing what we actually want you to wear all the time.

That’s all I’ve got. Go forth and multiply.